2004-05-11, 12:04 a.m.
So theres a spoiled brat with wicked hot hair, and tight clothes, and well quite frankly he's just wicked hot.
Let's call him Justin, so Justin's walking down the street one day and this big stupid Polish Robot Norbert comes out Fresh Off The Boat and tells him the "human being" he has no feelings and is a bad person. He then starts going on about how Justin could buy a pony if he didn't blow all his money on tight clothes. so Justin doesn't know what to do so he runs home, and writes in his diary about mean robots, then cries himself to sleep.
Then he watches the movie peter pan and wishes he could be peter pan because not only does he get to fly and be nearly naked all the time he will one day get to bone wendy. And Quite frankly one day wendy's gonna be a freakin hottie.
And for that Justin salutes him. THEN SHAZZAM! shaq comes in and grants JUSTIN his wish so Justin's now nearly naked and flying around. So he flies to the house his parents bought him and throws Garbage at the little native kids with colorful language who peppersprayed a squirrel (Im serious they did).
So anyway after he throws garbage at them Michael Jackson comes out and starts talking about how he's the real Peter Pan. Justin and Him have a dance off. Justin loses (well no shit), humbly admits defeat and figures it's no longer a good idea to be Peter Pan, so he resolves to be just Justin. Then Michael Jackson proceeds to invite the little kids back to the neverland ranch where they ride around on ponies and eat cotton candy all day. Nick decides to join them because well he likes ponies, and boys. HA!
Justin then takes a hovercraft over to carmen electra's house but she's not home...infact really no one's home so he has to go to his looser hairdressers house and makes fun of her curiously odd book collection. He then serenades her with Enrique, until they get into a shovel fight and she mysteriously dies.
Justin runs away before the Fuzz get there, but stops to play kerplunk with Kevin Sorbo...that guy who played hercules on that stupid hercules show.
Justin looses and goes home to mope and write in his diary about how life sucks. But boohoo he doesn't care because OH MY GOD LOOKOUT the HULK just Jumped through the wall and destroyed his room.
So then kevin sorbo comes over and apologizes for beating Justin unfairly and they run off with a bunch of oompa loompas and Vandell to the Moon.
For those of you who don't know Vandell he's this hilarious East Indian kid who wishes he was black who goes to Justin's school.
So anyway there at the moon, where they listen to that hanson song MMMBOP over and and over and over again until their ears bleed, and they start frothing at the mouth.
But Oh my god wait Conner O'Berst Bright Eyes frontman and Erin Nolan (Conner's stalker) appear in the nick of time and they start singing "I want a lover I dont have to love". Then *ZOOT!* The Green Giant jumps out from behind a strange grassy knoll on the moon and they all do an irish jig.
Meanwhile Justin figures he can just take the giant flying pez machine he took there back home. So when he gets home he remembers how stoked he is that he's getting his braces off on thursday.
He then decides to run off to spain with Steph Payne (fuckin rights I can rhyme), to be a bullfighter, until one day he is horribly gored by snuffalupajupagufalopalogalopololous, at which points he dies. Steph cries a little, gets over it and moves to Quebec to live with stupid french people.
But WAIT! before dying he yells out "A plague on both your houses!" then collapses. Kyle and Nate immediately fall over dead, because really I can't think of any cool or funny way to implicate them in this story.
He wakes up five minutes later in Greece surrounded by hairy sweaty greek people smashing plates and drinking olive oil.
Justin then realizes he must of done something really bad to die, and have to live with hairy sweaty naked foreign people in the afterlife.
Nate and Kyle don't mind it so much, well Kyle doesn't he runs off with the Greek people and has a gay old time. Nate on the other hand isn't enjoying himself he gets stung by a mosquito, so he makes fun of Dustin and his stupid story and goes off to become a hermit.
Then his homeboy Jon the Greek comes out and is like it wasn't snufalopoulogapolous that killed you it was george strombolopologoeggowaffleopolous. He explains you weren't ever killed for that matter, infact you weren't ever in spain. George found you curled up in a ball in a dark corner with the rest of the crack addicts. He took pity on you because, well Look at you. So he brought you to Opa's for a nice tasty pita that will give you rank garlic breath for a month.
So you try and find your way home and on your journey's you meet a unicorn, and a dolphin, and a zebra, and Sir Elton John, and Big Bird.
And Big Bird eats your motherfuckin arm, but Geoff and Sebastian come out of nowhere riding around on the magical fire breathing llamas that your parents told you they would buy you but never did. Where was I, Oh yah so Sebastian and Geoff start rambling about The Tales of Narnia and make you run through a closet. You then appear home and you give some bum five bucks, even though he doesn't deserve it. But hey you're a nice guy.
And being so, The Fahnz busts out of nowhere and starts taking action shots of you on his little nazi emo camera.
Lookie Lookie! it's Justin stealin his money back from the bum *click click*, It's Justin shakin his booty *click click*, oh what's that? Is that Justin doing Zoolander poses, Rowr *click click*! But wait the Real Zoolander comes and starts yelling at you about copyright infrigingement and Eu-goo-ga-lists, he then steals the show, forcing you to wander off in an angsty rage.
You figure you might as well go rawk the suburbs or something. And who does he see skateboarding down the street, his cousin Corey. So to get his attention he yells out "HEY FINGERS!" an obvious reference to his lack of sexual prowess. So Corey being the nice cousin he is comes over, hops off his skate and proceeds to beat the seven shades of crap out of Justin.
So Justin's laying there in a bloody mangled mess, until some girl shows up and bitches at him for being such a dick... and not putting her in his retarded story. She then proceeds to further crush his self esteem with comments like "YOU HAVE HANDS! HANDS! you gimpy fuck, who has hands? I mean really!
and then you getup and run off crying, and you try to apologize to everyone for being such a dick, but Zombies come and eat you. I mean Justin.
The End.