2004-05-18, 11:51 p.m.
I started writing letters to everyone I knew, telling them how horrible of people they were for watching my downward spiral of disillusionment and not lifting a finger to stop it.
So them letters! I've got one here for you, and theres one for you, and one for you, and one for you, and one for some guy I dont even know. His name Is Gregory, I don't know a Gregory, do you know a Gregory?
And I'd like to think I was Dilusional, Schizophrenic, or mostly Psychotic, maybe even Homicidal when this all happened. Or when I conceived this all happening, but it seems to be that I'm becoming something of a pathological liar. Because really I'm not going crazy. And no I never wrote letters. But this lying it's becoming quite amusing.
So I lie, Not so much in every day life but in stupid things, like with my teachers and even with this lady I always talk to at the Drugstore I go to. But mostly teachers.
Let me explain,
So I have this huge sharade going among my teachers, that my girlfriend had knee surgery and I was in the hospital visiting her for the past week. And maybe just maybe I'll miss the odd day of class and use that as an excuse. Anyway it's quite sad because she's been getting sick from the Oxyconin they prescribed her for the pain. I tell them stories about the car accident. How some moron in a chrysler sebring wasn't watching the road and hit her on her skateboard. I told them about how she tore part of her anterior cruciate ligament from her tybia, and how they were having a difficult time assessing how to reattach it...prior to the procedure. I told them about the prescription withdrawal, her recovery period, you know...the works.
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I'm quite educated about this though... If I'm going to conceive a lie for my personal amusement I research it and give background study. The key to a good lie is:
1.body language,
2.tone,
3.cadence, and well...
4.the amount of information you reveal is paramount. Mostly Key information, mostly details over the longest period of time possible though. Not too much over the course of one conversation k?
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and why do i do this? I duno I think it's hilarious. I mean it's not like they're pitying me and I'm revelling in it. I just like keeping them on there toes you know? Plus it gives me an excuse not to be in class. uh, what can I say...
I'm a complicated boy.
So anyway that was just one, I knew I couldn't keep dragging that same story out so I remember on the spot one day, when after 3 weeks of not showing up for chem, and being questioned about my whereabouts I was forced to conceive a new one.
I told them the doctors believe I contracted mono... Which lead me to explaining my general tiredness, loss of appetite and constant headaches. and Sometimes these headaches were so unbearable that I'd have to leave class.
Then teachers recently started asking me about if I had my blood tested. I then explained I was having a white blood cell count taken some time in the near future by a specialist, but he was sadly quite backlogged...So i'd have to endure my "sickness" until the time of my appointment.
Anyway due to my already low blood sugar levels they were considering putting me on a restricted diet for the meantime. It was of foods ranking high on the glycemic index for a few weeks mostly, they gave me a pamphlet, and recipe guide and everything. Something I conveniently picked up my last time at the doctors, in the waiting room. So after, I explained I was checked out with mono and given a vitamin C dosage of 2400 mg a day. I was even seen popping orange tic tacs out of an old pill container some times in class just to make it seem really verifiable. No one could figure out they were just tic tacs though? I remember sometimes it was almost unbearable holding in the laughter.
I recall another time I convinced a teacher that I had an infection of my upper respitory track, and that is was really quite contagious. I explained the symptoms (inflammed trachea,larynx, bronchial membranes) which are infact actual symptoms. I even managed to convince a certain teacher that there were a large number of cases of this same infection occuring all throughout alberta. It was localized due to the species of grain produced here. Apparently a shipment of grain had been contaminated, that was used in your regular variety of bread. They were pulling most recently shipped bread off the shelves that were believed to be infected. But still theres always the chance, and if it can be avoided why take the risk right? I honestly convinced her to stop buying bread for a month. AAAAND Do you know what a upper respiratory track infection is? it's the common cold, isn't science fun kids?
I think the most amusing one I've come up with is. My recent one...
So I explained that the reason I dont even go to school lately is because I'm quite stressed out from my mother who currently is living in vancouver. which is generally true. But here's the kicker, she's thinking of getting a divorce with my step dad. The added grief is apparently tearing me apart, thus I've spent quite the many restless night at home. Which leads me to sleeping during the day. Which is also true.
So I have had therefore a difficult time building my self up mentally to go to school. This is a great excuse you know why? no teacher is going to give you grief while your parents are going through a divorce, it's just mean.
plus if the situation ever arises where a teacher brings this up to my parents, I can reference that i don't inform my parents about the relationships of my other parents. I can therefore explain that it's just not polite to inform my stepmom or my dad about my mom and stepdads relationship problems. Plus there's no way of ever contacting my mother. It's genius quite frankly.
But the funniest part about this is it's entireless pointless, my parents don't even care that I dont go to school as long as the marks stay where there at. And they do, so this basically all comes out of personal amusement.
Plus these really aren't that far fetched as you might think. I overheard one day waiting in line at the theatre,a girl talking about her friend who wrecked her knee in a car accident. The mono story was partly believable because the doctors were nearly convinced I did have mono. But I didn't. The cold story was just something I happened to come across on the news, something about bundling up for preparation for the bad weather. And the Divorce story came about from an idea sprung open me on this soap opera I sometimes watch.
And yes I realize this is an eye into the mind of me at my worst but hey, it get's those creative energies flowin now doesn't it? Don't read too much into this I don't lie to my friends, or my family or anyone really. Just my teachers and that old lady at the drugstore. Speaking of which, ahh well I'll fill you guys in on that one later.
So yah I guess you phantom readership are the first to really hear about this. Let's just keep it our little secret though k?