2004-11-29, 10:25 p.m.
I'd like to pick the music they play at my funeral.
how morbid is that?
I mean really, I'd just like to pick the lasting impression that people had of me.
I don't think i'd opt for some emo/jazz cliche, nor the polar bubble gum pop trash.
and the reason being there's certain images and feelings that are so bluntly "overkill" at these social functions.
like in life, i'm trying to do something trend setting here, so that when I stoically lay in my mahogany coffin, with brown suede velvet trim and wall to wall mirrors maybe a smile will creep across my face...
as a choir quartet and 5 man cast do a broadway rendition of my life.
and I of course want someone cool and hip to play my character,
like Adam Brody or Chad Michael Murray or dare I say the infamous...Macaulay Culkin if he hasn't croaked yet.
and I suppose if they are all deceased then the the offspring that bore the most resemblance to me can play the role.
Oh, and "bohemian like you" by the Dandy Warhols will obviously quietly loop in the background.
and we'll serve grape koolaid and wendy's crispy chicken burgers, and of course we'll also hand out signed copies of my autobiography to everyone in attendance.
hopefully these will be actually read instead of being sold on Ebay.
but if such is the case the proceeds should be transferred to a swiss account in the cayman islands to fund a little operation I have going involving the assasination of John Stamos, who will no doubt be elected president in the near future.
you may recognize him from his tv role on Full House as "Uncle Jessy" or in the blockbuster smash hit of 2001 "My Best Friend's Wife"
this assasination plot will be deemed complete and legally binding if he refuses to show up at my funeral.
Oh man, who says funerals can't kick fuckin ass.